The Legend of Dad-zir
by F0URCE
Summary: Sivir makes Azir stay at the Institute of War so he could (hopefully) get with the times. That's easier said than done. Rated T for language. Cover image done by Zulidoodles.
1. Chapter 1: Azir Moves In

Shurima. A seemingly endless desert many think to be an arid wasteland. Nomadic tribes litter the many seas of sand as the scorching sun beats down on all who traverse it.

However, an ancient empire, long forgotten, has risen once again. Azir, the long-lost emperor of Shurima, had returned, seeking to reclaim his lost lands and restore his country to its former glory.

But there was one slight problem that came with being dead for centuries.

"Come on, Azir, we went over this! You don't use a metal plate in a microwave!" Sivir glared at the Emperor of the sands, whose avian head was tilted quizzically.

"I don't understand. I thought this... 'microwave,' simply heats the food you put inside? I wasn't expecting any of this to happen." He waved his arms around a ravaged kitchen, the highlight of which was a charred metal box that was once Sivir's microwave.

The mercenary grabbed her hair in frustration. " _Everything gets heated up inside,_ Azir. And metal reflects that heat and eventually makes the thing hotter till it blows up."

"My apologies, then. I did not understand the machinations of this interesting artifact." The emperor patted the ruined microwave for emphasis. He winced when the opening fell off its hinges.

Sivir sighed and leaned against the counter. "I don't think anyone says 'machinations' any more, old man. And microwaves aren't artifacts."

"Are they not? Such an odd device would have definitely be considered an artifact in my time."

"Yeah, in _your_ time." The Battle Mistress froze, making Azir raise a confused eyebrow. "In your time..." The Shuriman woman suddenly smacked the bottom of her fist into her palm as the idea struck her, startling her avian ancestor.

"That's it! You're somebody of the past! It's only natural that you won't have a damn clue about what goes on in this day and age."

"I suppose what you say has some reasoning behind it... I am somewhat ignorant of the ways of this world."

Sivir nodded. "And that's why you've gotta go to the League of Legends! If anyone can help you get with the times, it's gotta be those summoners!"

"The League of Legends? Both you and Nasus stay there sometimes, correct?"

"Yep. Nasus was in a bit of a tough spot himself with other people, but he got around it. I don't see why you can't do the same."

"I suppose, but I'm already a part of it, am I not? I get summoned occasionally." Azir remembered the day when he first got summoned. It was rather confusing, suddenly getting ripped from his throne room and being dumped onto a battlefield. It never failed to put off his soldiers and servants every time he was transported. The first time it happened, every one of the sand subjects in his palace had shrieked so loud and so much the nomads thought they were the wails of malevolent spirits.

"No, I mean going there and staying amongst other champions in the dormitories. It'll help you socialize with other champions, make some friends, that sort of thing. And you'd learn all about this era as well."

Azir tapped a finger to his beak thoughtfully. "I see. I would have to become acclimated to this new world's norms and customs if I am to rule my people properly." The bird emperor drew himself up regally amidst the charred remains of Sivir's kitchen.

"Then let us not wait any further, Sivir. Take me to this place which you speak of with haste."

* * *

The Institute of War was a fine establishment. The place had everything a highly diverse and growing assortment of champions needed: a mess hall, a vast collection of dormitories, stores that held goods from all over Runeterra, and a variety of leisure facilities. Overall, Azir felt that the place would suit him perfectly.

"Alright, I've already registered you as a champion, so just get going to your dorm and settle in." She waved at a building behind them. "These are the dorms. You might get summoned for a Rift match, so hurry up and get comfy." The mercenary princess stuck a key and a slip of paper with some text on it in Azir's, which the emperor stared at, confused.

"That's your room number and key. There're signs around on each floor, so you'll know where to go." Sivir turned to leave. "Anyway, some friends of mine were going to be hanging out together. Later." She paused, and then turned back around.

"Oh, and since you stay here now, you'll get sent to this other room instead of wherever you were before getting summoned, so keep that in mind." The Shuriman woman turned around once again, and set off.

After the mercenary princess left, Azir entered the building, a few boxes of his being carried by some Sand Soldiers. After fiddling with the construct that Sivir had called an 'elevator', he eventually reached a room that seemed rather untouched, and they key surprisingly worked. He entered the dorm room, giving the place a once-over.

 _How BORING._

To an emperor of a lost kingdom, the dorm could only be described as bland. A couch and TV were in a rather open space of the dorm, the living room, apparently, and a bed was present in another, smaller room that had a bathroom. A small kitchen was in another section of the place, away from the TV and couch. There were a few windows in each room, and the living room opened up to a small balcony.

 _This place requires... RENOVATION._

A raise of his hand motioned his three sand soldiers to enter. "Make this place fit for someone of my standing." At once, the soldiers set down the boxes and opened them, revealing an assortment of Azir's belongings. They set to work. One procured a massive paint roller from a storage closet, and began coloring the entirety of the walls a golden hue. Another ripped off the curtains from the windows and balcony, and after flinging them away, affixed dark red drapes of silk. The other stripped the bed of its sheets, replacing them with the familiar blue and gold of the Shuriman dynasty.

Azir surveyed the room, satisfied. "Not complete yet, but good work, men. Bring me a better couch, bed, table, and some chairs. Now go." The Sand Soldiers nodded before snap of his fingers reduced them to three piles of sand.

 _Azir,_ a clear voice reverberated in his mind. _You are being summoned to the Fields of Justice in 60 seconds. Prepare yourself._

The Emperor of the Sands sighed and sunk into the couch, waiting to be transported onto Summoner's Rift.

* * *

"Gods, that match took far longer than I expected," Xin Zhao groaned, shaking his head in disdain. Four other champions, Azir included, muttered assent. Every summoner in the match, enemies included, had been so incompetent the battle had lasted for more than an hour. The moon could be seen outside. After a few more minutes of grumbling, the five champions left the lobby and went their separate ways.

 _I'm going to bed,_ thought Azir tiredly. He trudged into the dormitory, and eventually reached his room before sticking in his key.

It wouldn't budge.

 _That's odd,_ Azir thought, confused. _It worked before._ He turned it the other way. No luck. He pulled it out and stuck it in after flipping it. Still no dice.

The emperor was beginning to feel anxious. _I can't sleep out in the open, what would everyone think of me?_ He continued twisting his key fruitlessly, getting more and more frustrated with every turn. Eventually, it finally opened, much to Azir's relief.

And out stepped a tiny girl in pajamas, holding a stuffed bear by the arm. They stared at each other, confused as to who the other was. Eventually, the girl spoke up. "Who're you? It's my bedtime."

Azir took another look at the scrap of paper, and then at the girl's door. They had the same number. But the inside of the room had none of his changes at all. It looked as though it belonged to a small child, and sure enough, a small child was standing in the doorway.

"Pardon me, young one, but I thought that this was my room?" He showed her the paper, and the child seemed to recognize it.

"Ohhh, is that Miss Sivvy's handwriting? Then you two must be friends!"

Azir blinked. "Not quite. I am her forefather."

Annie's eyebrows furrowed as she thought hard. "Fur-father..." A smile broke out onto her face. "So you're like her daddy?"

The emperor's eyebrow rose. "'Daddy?'"

The girl giggled. "You know, a father!"

The Emperor of the Sands was taken aback. Sivir, his daughter? He began to think. True, the young woman was of his blood. But he didn't treat her the way he would have his children before his Ascension. She was still his descendant, the one who had carried on his bloodline and her alone.

She was the only one Azir could call family anymore.

He was snapped out of his reverie when the girl held out her puny free hand, the smile still on her face. "My name's Annie. What's your name?"

Azir stared at the hand, surprised, before gingerly taking it and shaking. "I am Azir, emperor of Shurima. It is a pleasure to meet you, Annie."

The little girl giggled before trying to imitate the bird emperor. "Shrima. That's where you come from, right?"

Azir shook his head. "Not 'Shrima,' little one, 'Shurima.'"

Annie cocked her head, confused. "Sh-Shu-"

Azir knelt and looked into her innocent eyes. "Shurima. Shu-ri-ma."

"Shu...ri...ma." Annie's eyes lit up. "Shurima!"

Azir chuckled. "Yes, Annie, you have it n-"

"Annie, what are you doing up so late? And who-" Azir turned to see a blonde woman with elongated ears, staring at him with eyes as wide as his Sun Disk.

 _Janna, if I recall correctly._ Azir stood, towering over the bewildered wind mage. "Greetings. I appear to have lost my way. Can-" The emperor was interrupted by the shrill scream of Janna as she turned and fled, horrified. Azir blinked, before turning to Annie. "What might she be so afraid of?"

"It might be because you're a boy."

The Emperor of Sands sniffed. "Because I am male? What a foolish reason to fear a person."

Annie giggled. "No, silly. It's because this place is the girls-only building."

"Girls-only?"Azir remembered something Sivir told him on the way to his dormitory.

 _Never, EVER, go to the girls' building uninvited. You'd be lucky to get away with your life if you do._

As if on cue, several doors in the corridor opened, and out walked various female champions in pajamas, weapons in hand to take down whatever caused that blood-curdling scream they had heard earlier. Their eyes set on Azir, who was standing in the corridor, Annie's hand in his.

Their eyes filled with rage as they raised their weapons, opening their mouths in a battle cry.

Azir's eyes filled with fear as he turned around, opening his beak for a panicked squawk.

 **"GET HIM!"**

"Oh dear."

The women let loose with a hail of ammunition as Azir summoned a phalanx of shield-bearing Sand Soldiers to take the onslaught. He gently pushed Annie into her room. "Dream well, Annie," he said hurriedly, before closing the door. He began sprinting as fast as his taloned feet could carry him in the other direction. He felt his soldiers dissipate under the womens' abuse, and Azir ducked as bullets, bolts, and arrows flew over his head and embedded themselves into the wall in front of him. He squawked as a spear flew inches from his neck and stuck into the wall, still quivering from the force. He turned the corner and kept running, fearing for his life.

Around him, more doors swung open, and many of women in the doorways took one shocked look at him before either opening fire of lunging at him with a weapon, murder in their eyes. One of their ranks had nearly skewered him with a thin blade before hurling insults at him in a foreign language. Another burly-looking woman had laughed before chuckling something to herself about how a good man would come to take what they wanted. Nevertheless, Azir continued running down the seemingly endless expanses of hallways and corridors, narrowly dodging an innumerable attempts on his life.

 _This is not what I expected life here was like!_ Azir mentally cursed his circumstances as he rounded another corner. He cursed once more as he saw yet another door open.

It was Sivir. _MY SALVATION,_ Azir thought.

The mercenary princess's hair was completely unruly, and she wore an aggravated scowl along with her pajamas. She had her crossblade fully expanded and ready. "Whoever the hell's making that noise, shut the f-" Her eyes widened as she saw her ancestor sprinting full tilt towards her, and a mob of enraged women right behind him. "Azir?! Hey, hey **HEY WHAT THE F-** " She got cut off as Azir scooped the Battle Mistress into his arms and kept running.

"Sivir! I am so glad to see- **ARGH!** " Sivir slugged him right in the beak, making him cry out in pain.

"What the hell are you doing in the women's building?! I thought I told you to never come here!"

"I got lost!"

 **"LOST?! YOUR BUILDING IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE INSTITUTE!"**

"It is my first day in this place! And it is darker than the maw of a Xer'Sai outside!"

Sivir fell silent, before letting out a groan. "Sounds like a good enough reason."

"Of course it is! Now tell me how to escape this wretched place!"

His descendant looked at him, somewhat disappointed. "You're not going to straighten things out with them? I thought you were smooth with women."

"How can I possibly be "smooth" with a mob who wants my head?!"

Sivir shrugged. "I guess you've got a point." She raised a hand to her mouth in thought.

"Alright. The girls aren't idiots. They're probably guarding the staircases and fire exits, so..." She snapped her fingers. "You've got to find this big window that looks out over a swimming pool, and then jump. That's our only option right now."

" **JUMP?!** Have you gone mad?! We're on the fifth floor!"

"It's either a dip in the pool or getting mauled alive by the idiots behind us, so pick your poison!" Sivir glared at the emperor, who sighed in defeat.

"...Jumping it is then." He ducked as a blast of light shot over his head, squawking indignantly.

"Gotcha! Head right!" Azir turned a corner, evading another salvo of death.

"Left!" Azir obliged, still hearing the angry shouts of the horde behind him.

"That's it! There it is!" Sivir pointed at a window at the end of the hallway, that seemed larger than the others he had ran past. _My freedom is at hand!_ Azir thought, triumphant.

Until a squadron of women leaped out of an unseen fire exit at the very end of the corridor.

"Dammit!" Sivir cursed. She then noticed something peculiar.

"H-Hey! Are you not stopping?!" Azir continued at his breakneck pace, straight at the wall of angry females.

"This is something I learned from the Fields of Justice!" Azir crowed, before summoning two Sand Soldiers right in front of the blockade. After a moment of shock, they raised their weapons, eager to cut the sand figures down.

Azir began flying to one of them, Sivir screaming in his arms.

He then commanded them to charge.

The group of women scattered at the sudden assault, knocked aside like bowling pins. The soldiers smashed through the window, the Shurimans in tow. The two royals flew out of the window and away from the mob. Sivir pumped a fist, cheering. Azir sighed in relief. They were safe at last.

Until they decided to look down.

Five floors really was a long way to fall.

 **"OH SHIIIIIIIIII-"** Sivir shrieked, plunging into the emptiness below.

 **"NOT LIKE THIIIIIIIIIIS!"** Azir screamed, plummeting towards the pool beneath him.

The screams of two falling Shurimans woke up many champions that night.

* * *

Taric was having a good day.

Looking after the Institute's pool was a generally enjoyable task for the handsome man. He rarely had to step in, and looking at so many people having fun was simply beautiful. The pool had just closed, and a few champions were on their way out, eager to go to bed after a pleasurable evening of swimming.

He chuckled as he climbed down the ladder to his perch. Normally, there would have been a fight between someone over some reason, and the Shield of Valoran was pleased to note that such an incident had not occurred today.

 _I **am** at the Institute of War, aren't I?_ Taric thought with a smile.

He was about to find out very soon.

It started as they heard a window shattering. The swimmers looked around, confused.

Then, the shrieks of two Shurimans shattered the silence of the night, putting everyone on edge.

Taric was the first to look up. As a result, he was the first to see the falling bodies of Sivir and Azir, screaming bloody murder. His eyes widened.

"What in the name of Tar-"

He never finished as the two champions hit the pool's surface, sending the water spilling out in an eruption as a result of the dual cannonball. Champions screamed as the flood of water bowled them over and soaked them to the bone. Taric groaned as he crawled over to the half-empty pool, spotting an unconscious Shuriman emperor and his descendant floating in the shallow waters. He sighed and slumped against the ground.

 _I'm still here all right._

* * *

"You two are surprisingly unscathed. Sivir has a cold, and Azir is utterly exhausted for some reason, but that's all that's there between the two of you. Now, get some rest." Akali ticked a few boxes on her clipboard, before turning and leaving the two Shurimans in their beds.

Sivir sneezed in her bed. "Urgh..."

Azir sighed. "I'm sorry, Sivir. This happened because of my negligence."

The mercenary chuckled before coughing. "What are you so sorry about? I should have made this place more clear to you."

Azir shook his head. "You are my descendant, Sivir. It is my duty to watch over you."

"You're starting to sound like somebody's dad, old man."

Azir's eyes widened. "A 'dad'? That is another term for one's father, correct?"

Sivir's brow furrowed. "Yeah, why?"

Azir sat up painfully, remembering his conversation with Annie. "Then it's decided. I shall take the role of this... 'dad', to keep you safe and out of harm's way."

The mercenary stared at her emperor ancestor, before letting out a laugh. "I can handle myself... but what you say sounds pretty good, **dad**."

Azir fell silent for a second, before chuckling. "Of course it is..." He suddenly remembered something Annie told him. **"Miss Sivvy."**

Sivir's eyes widened in shock, before her face contorted in rage, inciting a laugh from the bedded emperor. She weakly flopped an arm on Azir's chest. "Sh-Shut up!"

Azir continued laughing as Sivir continued launching a fruitless attack on her forefather. Their sounds of laughter and cursing echoed throughout the empty corridors of the hospital wing.

As odd as the two Shurimans were, it was just like any other family in the world.

* * *

A little something for you guys to enjoy on Halloween.

I got the idea for this fic by looking at some pictures of Azir being that one embarrassing dad that makes Sivir want to tear her hair out. I'm honestly pretty proud of how it turned out.

Anyway, like always, feel free to leave a review with your thoughts, and thanks again for reading. I'll be seeing you guys.


	2. Chapter 2: Snowball Fight

"Cold..."

Azir shivered in his golden armor, peering out of the window at the snow-laden Institute of War. Since when had it gotten so cold? True, the nights in Shurima were freezing, but it was absolutely nothing compared to this. And what in the world was that white stuff supposed to be?

"Sivir? Sivir, how in the world has it gotten so cold overnight?"

An irked groan answered the Shuriman emperor from inside a room he designated for his one and only descendant, Sivir. "What do you mean, dad? It can't get so cold overnight, you know."

"Come out here and look! This temperature makes the nights of Shurima look tame!"

Sivir walked out, visibly annoyed. The warrior princess had rolled out of bed, hair a complete mess, with the bags under her eyes proving how she did not sleep too well. "Urgh, seriously, it can't be all too bad-" Her eyes bugged out as she saw the thick blanket of snow across the grounds, mouth wide open.

Azir chuckled smugly. "As you can see, my dear, it can get this cold overn-"

 **"WHOOOOOOOOOO!"** Sivir shrieked, barreling past a bewildered bird emperor and into her room. Azir stared fearfully at her door, hearing various crashes and bangs, before it burst open, revealing Sivir standing proudly in her Snowstorm attire.

"S-Sivir? Where on earth did you get that ridiculous-" The emperor was once again cut off as she hurtled out of the dorm room with a crazed cackle, her forefather staring after her, confused.

"Sheesh, she needs to learn how to calm down..." A certain explorer walked by, staring wearily at the ecstatic Shuriman.

"Ezreal? Has she done this before?"

"Every year. Every time winter rolls around, she just goes crazy, just like a lot of others here."

"Others?"

Ezreal grinned. "Yeah, a whole lot of others. Poppy, Ziggs, Malzahar, Shaco... The list goes on. I like to fool around this time of year too."

Azir tapped a finger against his beak. "Winter is a cause for celebration, it seems."

"You got that right. Every year, there are so many special occasions here in the Institute. The Snowdown Dinner Party, The Snowdown Ball, The Annual Runeterra Snowball Fight-"

"Snowball fight?"

"Yup. Just grabbing snow and chucking it at people as hard as you can. Sivir absolutely loves it. Participates every year."

Azir's eyes widened fearfully. "When would this be happening?"

"Tomorrow."

The emperor grabbed the sides of his head in horror. His descendant, no, his daughter getting smashed in the face with a chunk of this bizarre and foreign material? He wouldn't have it!

"Ezreal, I must protect her! You know about the fools in this place!"

"Well, if you're going to try and convince her to drop out, good luck. I remember when Draven told her to stand back, saying it was a man's job. Oh boy, poor guy had to spend a week in the hospital with Kennen digging out the frost from his a-"

"Okay okay no I shall hear no more of it no no no no no," Azir chanted, clapping his hands over his ears.

"Well, if you want to protect her, then I suppose you could sign up yourself. The registration periods aren't over yet."

"Me? Take part in this madness?"

"Yup. Sivir told me herself how you wanted to get with the times, and what better way to do that than hang around the others, have some fun, and try something new? Trust me, you'll love it." The Prodigal Explorer smiled reassuringly.

Azir sighed. He could almost feel the freezing snow pulverizing him as he thought about it. But how else was he supposed to keep Sivir safe? And if Ezreal was right, maybe he would end up enjoying it.

"I... suppose I shall partake in these affairs..." Ezreal pumped a fist triumphantly.

"Awesome! Come on, I'll take you. Man, you are gonna love this!"

"I hope so..." Azir grumbled, following the beaming blonde out of his room.

* * *

"You ready, pops?"

"I wish I was."

Azir stared at his team, visibly distressed. He was in one of the first matches, and was standing in a massive field full of snow with his teammates. Him, Sivir, Lulu, Gnar, and Orianna. Against Katarina, Veigar, Sejuani, LeBlanc, and Syndra. The odds did not look too good.

"Let the battle commence in 20 seconds," Zilean announced, looking down at the champions from a safe vantage point. The Chronokeeper was garbed in his Old Saint outfit, and wore a merry smile with it. His fellow time manipulator Ekko was also with him, wearing a large parka and an excited smile.

Azir spotted his teammates grabbing handfuls of snow and packing them into balls. The emperor followed suit, and wound up with a snowball that was more than a little deformed, despairing.

"3." Azir spotted bloodthirsty grins on the competition's faces.

"2." He noticed his teammates' eyes narrowing into determined slits.

"1." He let out a frightened chirp.

 **"BEGIN!** "

Sivir chucked her snowball with full force, narrowly missing the Sinister Blade by a hair. Gnar had dropped his snowball and was now digging a hole with a cheery squeal. Lulu and Orianna had slung theirs, which landed weakly in front of a laughing Syndra.

"You weaklings are no match for a snowball fighter of my calib- **OOF.** " The Dark Sovereign was cut off as a very deformed snowball slammed into her face.

"First blood goes to Azir!" Ekko crowed, throwing the spectating summoners and champions into a large cheer. Azir was far less ecstatic as he caught a murderous glare from the Ionian mage.

 **"YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!"** She howled, lifting up a mass of snowballs. Azir hit the ground with a squawk as the snow hurtled over his head.

"Good one, dad!" Sivir yelled, sidestepping a snowball from Katarina. She returned fire, making the Noxian assassin curse as she teleported out of the way.

"Come on, Pix!" Lulu urged, as she and her fae companion hurled a snowball at LeBlanc. The illusionist chuckled as she vanished, before reappearing in front of the startled Yordle with a mass of snow in her arms.

"Hello," she said smugly, before promptly dropping the white powder on the girl with a chuckle.

 **"CURSE YOU!"** Veigar shrieked, slinging snowball after snowball at Gnar, who kept rolling over on the ground to avoid the assault with a joyful laugh.

"YOU-APPEAR-TO-BE-ENRAGED," Orianna said, as she repeatedly disconnected a body part to dodge an onslaught of snowballs from an infuriated Sejuani.

"Come on, dad, throw some mo-" Sivir was cut off as Katarina blinked into her face, cursing as she readied a snowball to smash into the redhead's face. The Noxian flung a spray of snow into the mercenary's face, disorienting her and forcing her to stumble backwards.

Into a wall of Veigar's Event Horizon.

Sivir watched with gritted teeth as Katarina got into a stance she was all too familiar with, helpless. Azir stood by, wide-eyed, powerless to stop what was to come. The Noxian smiled at the princess sweetly, but the devilish glint in her eyes betrayed her true intentions.

"Goodbye."

Katarina became a deadly whirlwind of white and frost, hurling snowballs in all directions as she continued spinning with a demonic laugh. Sivir attempted to hold fast against the battering onslaught of snow, but the Shuriman could only take the countless snowballs for so long, and before long, fell to the ground in a daze, covered head to toe in powdery snow. The redhead eventually slowed to a halt, a smug grin plastered on her face.

"And that's Sivir downed by a Death Lotus from Katarina! Or, wait, would this one be a Snow Lotus?" Ekko turned to the Chronokeeper, who shrugged.

"Next time, r-" Katarina's eyes widened as a snowball whizzed past her face, feeling the ball of powder just barely grazing her nose. Panicked, she looked around for the source of the attack, and met eyes with a particular emperor who looked as though he was about to tear her a new one.

Azir's glowering golden eyes seemed to burn with the fury of a thousand Shuriman suns as he raised a hand. "Those who stand against the royal family of Shurima..." He clenched the hand into a fist, and at once, a trio of Sand Soldiers rose up, armed with shovels in place of their usual lances.

"Stand against **ME.** "

As one, the soldiers brought their shovels up like hockey players, before slamming them into the snow at their feet, sending chunks of white at the bewildered assassin. She ducked one, and sidestepped another. However, the third had found its mark right in the face, and knocked the Noxian clean off her feet and sent her sprawling into the snow, out cold.

Zilean's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh my, a stunning play from Azir has eliminated Katarina! Of course, I knew that would happen." Ekko groaned.

Katarina's teammates stood by, shocked that their ally had been taken down with such ease. Their focus returned to the rest of Azir's team, who they fearfully noted were just as mad as the emperor. A frowning Lulu took a snowball from Pix as she brushed off some more snow. Orianna's eyes began to glow an ominous blue. Even Gnar seemed to understand what had happened, and was enveloped in his trademark red glow as he growled menacingly.

Syndra stepped forward, a snowball at the ready. "C-Come on! What are you guys waiting for?! It's just a robot, two midgets, and a bird! We can win this!" After a pause, the Ioinan's teammates grimly packed their own snow, rallying behind their de-facto leader.

Syndra raised a clenched fist, lips pulled back in a snarl. Azir's eyes narrowed into slits. Everyone readied their snowballs, prepared for what was likely to be the final brawl of the match.

 **"DESTROY THEM ALL!"**

 **"ONWARD!"**

* * *

"Ahhh..." Jhin breathed, leaning back in his chair.

"What are you looking so happy about? You have three marshmallows in your hot chocolate, not four." Yasuo raised an eyebrow at the masked psychopath across the table.

"No, no, it's just that somewhere out there, two teams of four are fighting to the bitter death. Ah, four, such a lovely number..."

Yasuo remained silent.

* * *

Jhin was right, at least.

Azir sidestepped a snowball from Syndra, and parried another with a timely swipe of a Sand Soldier's shovel. The mage cursed as the bird emperor slung his own snowball at her.

Lulu and Pix were fending off assaults from LeBlanc and her clone, ducking under their attacks and retaliating with their own strikes.

Orianna was in a bitter stalemate with Sejuani, each of them tanking the others blows equally, and neither of them willing to back down, gritting their teeth (and gears) as they slung snowballs without end.

Gnar danced and ducked around countless assaults from Veigar, returning fire with zest, the glow around him growing fiercer by the second.

Azir took a step back, weighing his options. He had to thank Nasus for all of the training he received for strategy when he was still human, for he had decided just how he was going to finish the fight.

"Lulu, get make Gnar go big, now!" Lulu's face split into a grin of delight as she raised her arms. **"HUGEIFY!"** She declared, and the previously puny figure of Gnar grew to an alarming 10 foot-tall orange mass of fur, the red aura around the Missing Link showing all too clearly that he was **mad**. Syndra and company took a few tentative steps back, eyeing the enlarged Yordle with fear and wariness in equal measure.

"Orianna! Throw!" The bird emperor shouted his command, catching the robotic girl's attention, who nodded in affirmation. Orianna raised a hand, and the Ball began whirring loudly. "THROW," she commanded, and the Ball obliged, flying into the midst of the distracted opposition and pulling in the shocked opposition together.

"Get them, Gnar!"

The already large Missing Link became completely enveloped in red mist, before the booming sound of **"GNAAAAARRR!"** resounded throughout the arena. When the mist had cleared, a Mega Gnar of titanic proportions loomed over a terrified enemy team. With a single swipe at the ground, the prehistoric Yordle sent forth a snowball of colossal proportions directly at them, knocking them clean off of their feet. The opposing champions struggled to get back on their feet, before looking up, and having their blood run cold.

Azir stood next to six of his Sand Soldiers on a hill, who were in turn standing next to a massive bobsleigh. Four of them jumped in, and the other two took positions to send the earthen crew on their way. All that was needed was the decree of their ruler.

And it was given with a booming **"SHURIMA!"**

The soldiers took off down the hill, their pushing sand-brothers-in-arms narrowly jumping in to join them. The six soldiers barreled towards the downed opposition at the bottom, showing no signs of slowing as they drew ever closer towards their terrified targets. The bizarre crew slightly turned to the left, and the hapless champions on the ground knew what was about to happen, frantically trying to scramble to their feet as the Sand Sledders got into position.

Syndra managed to shriek one final **"NOOOOO-"** before Azir's soldiers took a hard right, getting into a perfect drift and kicking up a massive drift of snow, which subsequently buried the Ionian and the rest of her team under a dune of white powder, eliminating all of them in one fell swoop.

Ekko, Zilean, and the crowd looked on, speechless. However, the announcers got over their shock and with a joyous shout, exclaimed **"AZIR'S TEAM HAS WON!"** The arena erupted into an uproar, and a stunned Azir looked on as his team hoisted him up on their shoulders, presenting their master tactician to the whole cheering crowd to see.

* * *

"Sivir? I received word that you would be here. Are your injuries all right?"

Sivir looked over the back of her couch, surprised that her ancestor would make a surprise visit to her dormitory. After the debacle from earlier, the women of the League grudgingly allowed Azir into the building, on the conditions that he would only go to Sivir's room and that going anywhere else would warrant getting the soul slapped out of him by Illaoi.

The mercenary laughed. "Psh, it's only snow, old man. Nothing about it that could hurt. Unless you give it to Nunu. Little runt knows how to make it hurt."

"Well, in that case, I'm glad to know that you're safe," Azir said, starting back for the door.

"Hey, where do you think you're going? I've got some hot chocolate left, so why not stick here and drink it with me?"

"Hot chocolate?" Azir turned, intrigued by this odd-sounding beverage. His descendant nodded, and hurried into the kitchen, hurrying back out with another steaming cup of the brown drink inside, which she promptly offered to a curious Azir.

"Take a seat. And be careful with that, it's called hot chocolate for a reason." Azir obliged and sank into the sofa, taking care not to spill the drink in his hands. He slowly brought it to his beak, and took a sip. It burnt his tongue a bit, but the piping hot liquid coursing down his throat was simply divine.

"This drink is amazing," he said, staring at his cup in awe.

Sivir laughed. "I made it myself, so thanks." The mercenary sat down next to the emperor and sipped at her own cup.

"You know, Ez told me earlier that you only joined to try and look out for me."

Azir was somewhat surprised that the explorer had approached her for this. "He told you that? Well, I had to keep you safe. You are family."

Sivir chuckled. "Well, thanks for that. Running around, taking heads, and getting money... It doesn't really leave much time for family. I never had much of a family to begin with. But now that you're here?" She turned to him, smiling. "I can see why people take their kin so seriously. So thanks, dad."

Azir was at a loss. He hadn't expected her to be so open with how she felt about him as family, and hearing her call him 'dad' threw him for a loop. "I... thank you."

The mercenary laughed. "I say all that, and that's all you can manage? But hey, that's enough getting sentimental. Let's just sit here, and enjoy our drinks." Azir, all too happy to avoid being put in an awkward spot, took a sip of the hot and tasty drink from the cup. The two Shurimans simply sat there together, sipping away at their hot chocolate, and gazing out at the falling snow outside.

They wouldn't have had it any other way.

* * *

You thought this fic was a one-shot, **BUT IT WAS ME, OBLIGATORY WINTER UPDATE**

So yeah, after what is roughly a month and a half, I've finally updated this. Finally updated anything since the last Misadventures of Jhin and Yasuo chapter dropped. I was trying to update Taric and Ahri's Dating Service, but the chapter I was working on just sort of fell apart, and I went into a bit of a slump. Fortunately, I know exactly what I'm doing for Christmas, so I'll update both then. Hopefully.

Either way, I hope you're all having a great December and that you're as hyped as I am for Christmas. As always, feel free to leave a review, and thanks again for reading. See ya.

By the way, I finally played Garen for the first time in three years. **S-RANK BABY**


	3. Chapter 3: Azir's Valentine's Day

A look into the events of the latest chapter of The Misadventures of Jhin and Yasuo, from a certain Shuriman emperor's perspective. I tried making it so that you wouldn't have to read that chapter to understand this chapter, but I'm not really good at that sort of stuff, so please understand if there seems to a be a plot hole or error, and let me know about it in a review.

* * *

"Sivir?"

"Yeah?"

"What's this mess supposed to be?"

The emperor of Shurima stared at a pouting Sivir, who was surrounded by shredded envelopes that littered the floor of her dorm.

"I was looking for a Valentine's card. And just like every year, it looks like I didn't get crap."

"What is this 'Valentine's card?' I've never heard of such a thing back in my time."

Sivir huffed as she tore open yet another envelope. "Well, Valentine's cards are these things which you give another person as a way of telling them that you like them." She swiped at the tattered scraps of paper beneath her. "And I didn't get any! I mean, how the hell do I not have a boyfriend?! Aren't I, like, bewitching, or alluring, or some crap that gets a man to fall for me?"

"…."

Sivir angrily pointed at her ancestor. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"Do you have any idea how much of a creep I'd look like if I called my many-great-granddaughter bewitching or alluring?"

"… Good point." The Battle Mistress slumped her shoulders. "No guy wants to hang out with me on this day. Ever."

"Come now, Sivir, I'm sure that there is some man in this place who has feelings for you."

The mercenary squinted at him hard. "Yeah? Who?"

Azir knew that he had strolled right into a trap the second those words left her mouth. "Erm... Malzahar?"

"That weirdo is too busy trying to get a boyfriend for Rek'Sai. And do I look like I want Space AIDS, dad?"

Strike 1. Azir winced. "How about Kassadin? He's not that bad of a person."

"Not into being silenced."

Strike 2. "Why are you being so picky? You're the one who wants a boyfriend! And Kassadin's silence was removed ages ago! His joke doesn't even make sense anymore!"

"I have standards, dad."

"Standards..." Azir muttered, pinching the bridge of his beak. "Urgh, I give up. Just ask that fox and the fellow with the gems for help."

Sivir groaned. "Well, can't say you didn't try. I guess I'll go hang out with Nasus. We always stick together on Valentine's Day."

As Sivir left, Azir began to think.

 _She complains about not having a man to be with every year, yet stays with Nasus when this occasion comes along? Is he not a man?_ Azir huffed as he followed her. _Not even an emperor can understand the workings of a woman's mind._

* * *

After losing track of Sivir in a staggeringly large crowd of couples, Azir wandered aimlessly throughout the Institute of War, intrigued at the processes taking place around him.

 _Interesting. It appears that this day is intended for courting another in the ways of romance._ The emperor made a hasty scribble of the information in a new pocket-notebook that he had recently purchased, in which he documented the various proceeds of modern society. It seemed to go along fairly swimmingly, even if people seemed to cringe if he attempted this 'dab'.

While wandering past Gragas's tavern, he noticed quite the odd sight. "Lucian? Quinn? What on Earth are those outfits?"

The two new Heartseekers on the block looked up from their mugs of beer to stare at him wearily. Quinn raised a hand. "Oh, hey."

Lucian groaned as he rubbed his temples. "Yeah, about the outfits... We're Heartseekers now, gods know why."

Azir blinked as he took a seat. "Heartseekers?! But the dress code doesn't match either of your characters at all! Both of you are two of the most level-headed and serious people I know!"

Quinn sighed and took a sip. "If you're a marksman that can shoot something, you're turned into a Heartseeker, it seems. Ask those edgelords Varus and Vayne, they'll tell you all about it."

Lucian held his head in his hands. "You have no idea what kind of shit Thresh is putting me through now that I'm stuck in this outfit. I thought it was bad before, but this?" Lucian took a deep swig as if to emphasize his point.

Azir raised an eyebrow. "Thresh? I know that he took your wife's soul, but I'm not aware of what he does to you."

Quinn patted Lucian on the back. "Every time these two get put into a match together – which is a lot of times – Thresh flat-out disobeys his summoner's orders and buys five Bloodthirsters. He then says 'Hey, look, I've got 100% wife steal!'" Azir nearly fell over due to the sheer cringiness and cruelty that resided in the pun.

"And now that bastard keeps a fucking Doran's Blade in his inventory through the entire fucking game! He tells me that when I wear this, he only needs three percent wife steal to get Senna to leave me!" Lucian began sobbing as he held his head against the table.

Azir then noticed a flapping mess of pink feathers over a small shot glass of beer. "What in Shurima's name is that thing? It's hideous!"

Quinn groaned. "'That thing' is Valor."

Azir gasped, horrified. The emperor grabbed the alcoholic eagle by a pink wing and stared at it. Discounting the horrendous shade of pink and the heart-shaped tail, even Lee Sin could tell that it was, indeed, Valor. "My gods! Valor, what have they done to you?!"

 _"Hell if I know, Azir. Some asshole summoners jumped me after keeping out some breadcrumbs, and they turned me into this,"_ Valor drunkenly squawked.

Azir raised a hand to his head. "Oh, my friend, what have you done to deserve this?!"

Quinn stroked the eagle's feathers. "I feel so sorry for him. It's only for one day, but just, look at him."

"You know, Azir," Lucian grimly began. "Your classified as a secondary Marksman, so who knows? Maybe you'll get turned into some, monstrosity like Valor."

If Azir's avian features would have allowed for it, he would have paled. "Wh-What?"

 _"Count on it, buddy. Your soldiers can let you fight from as far away as any Marksmen here."_

Azir bolted to his feet. "No. I won't have it. This discussion is over. Goodbye." The emperor marched away, eager to dismiss the very thought of being turned into a Heartseeker.

* * *

Azir meandered aimlessly through the Institute. He honestly felt a little sad after seeing all of the couple around him, remembering a time from millennia ago, back when he courted his wife. As an Ascended being that had transcended mortality, he began to wonder if he could ever really enjoy romance again.

"Azir..." The bird emperor heard a voice behind him that made him shiver. While he was always open to an adoring woman back in his human days, he remembered that voice as being one he should run away from. Very, very quickly.

Slowly turning around, he saw that it was Quinn, who had an unsettling look in her eye as she walked – no, stalked towards him. "Q-Quinn? Is there something the matter?"

She let out a giggle. "The only thing the matter here... is that you're not my Valentine."

Azir paused. He took out his little notebook and flipped to the latest page.

Being someone's Valentine signifies that the two of you are an item.

Azir slammed the book shut, and began to sweat. Quinn was getting closer, and he wanted _none_ of that. Everyone knew that she and Talon were together. Azir still had bad memories about being confronted by men whose girlfriends Azir had stolen. The last man whose girl he planned on stealing was one who could turn him into a bucket of chicken wings in an instant.

 **"GOTTAGOB-"** The emperor got cut off as he attempted to run, with the Demacian vaulting off his back and knocking him to the ground. He began to panic as the woman got on top of him and stared into his eyes hungrily.

"You know," she whispered huskily. "I know a few things about birds..." She brought her face mere inches from the horrified Shuriman's.

"Want me to show you what I m-" Quinn never finished as she was tackled off Azir's body by a snarling woman. Azir gaped as he saw that his savior was Sivir, wrestling furiously with the enraged scout. "Sivir?! What in god's name-"

"Can it, dad! I found Katarina mugging Lux, and I heard that some weird shit was going down like Rammus grinding, so I came to check on you! Now go! Find out who's responsible for this shit!"

Azir, while fearing for his daughter's safety, nodded, and began to leave.

Before getting his path blocked by Talon. The Blade's Shadow looked outright furious as he stalked towards the emperor, blades ready.

"T-Talon? This is not what it looks li-"

"Hope you enjoy being a bucket of chicken wings," the Noxian growled, before leaping at Azir. Air squawked as he conjured a Sand Soldier to block the blow.

"Talon! I do not want to hurt you!" Azir narrowly ducked under a flung knife. The assassin didn't respond, devoting himself to ending the Shuriman's life as quickly and messily as possible.

Azir started to get mad."Talon, I won't say this again! Leave now, and spare yourself!" Still no answer.

Azir sighed. There was no alternative.

Azir raised two more soldiers in Talon's blind spots. The Noxian was unable to react In time to avoid getting grabbed, and he struggled as he attempted to break free of the Sand Soldiers' hold. He began to feel an odd tightness in his chest, as a third soldier began to play a melancholy tune on a piano that had seemingly been produced out of thin air.

Azir brought his hand up, looking mournfully at the struggling Talon. "Goodbye, my friend." Azir brought the hand down like an axe, and a thunderclap echoed across the street.

At once, Talon seized up, and began to froth at the mouth. The soldiers let him go, and he fell to the ground as a convulsing mess.

"D-Dad? What was that?" Azir turned to find a panting Sivir, Quinn's limp and apparently unconscious form behind her.

Azir stared sadly at the pathetic form of Talon on the ground. "It's a technique I've made called the 'telepathic roast.' The victim relives their most embarrassing, most humiliating, most utterly shameful moment in an endless loop. I never like to use this against anyone, and it's the first time I've used it since my Ascension. The effects should hopefully be lessened because of this, but still..."

* * *

 _ **Annie are you okay?**_

Little known fact and very well kept secret – Talon loved dancing.

 _ **Are you okay?**_

Not a dance of death, knives flying at every conceivable angle. Just a simple set of moves to a good song from a great artist. It's how he maintained a rather odd friendship with Warwick, who had the same taste in music as he did.

 ** _Are you okay, Annie?_**

He did a spin, a moonwalk, a spin again, music filling his room as he danced. He grinned as he executed the moves flawlessly. He prided himself in his dance moves. After all, it was how he managed to get Quinn to like him, after taking her out to a dance party at Taric and Ahri's behest.

 _ **Are you okay Annie?!**_

Two more spins, another moonwalk. Here came the finisher.

 ** _You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth criminal._**

One more spin, and a crotch grab. Talon grinned to himself like a fool. Perfect as always.

Talon heard a giggle behind him, and froze. He was 100% certain that he had locked the door behind him.

He slowly turned around, and his jaw dropped as he saw Katarina and Cassiopeia with their phones out, grinning like lunatics and giggling like schoolgirls. There were spent lockpicks on the ground, and the door was wide open. The music. The music had drowned out the sounds of the door being opened and their giggling.

"H-How long...?"

"The whole time," Katarina said, grinning.

"You know," Cassiopeia said, holding her sides. "We only uploaded this a few seconds ago when you finished, but..." She couldn't finish as she exploded into a fit of laughter.

Talon paled. "Upload...?"

"Yup. You've got quite the number of hits already." Katarina tilted her phone, and the view count had climbed by a million in the span of seconds.

Talon stared, initially unable to process what he had just heard. Then, he opened his mouth.

 **"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

* * *

Azir groaned. "Well, the point still stands that I have to stop whoever is causing these shenanigans. Sivir, I can trust you will keep these two at the hospital?"

Sivir nodded, grinning. "You can count on me, dad. Now get going, you've got a Valentine's day to save."

With a determined nod, Azir began sprinting down the street, his purpose clear.

"Hold, Azir!"

Azir whirled around to find Taric running towards him. "I heard of your task to put an end to the day's madness! I've asked Varus for insight on the problem, and he says that the most likely perpetrators must be Jhin and Yasuo!"

Azir grinned. "Your help is much appreciated, Taric! Come, we shall, end this foolery together!" Together, the two began running to stop the two Ionian champions.

"There! I see them!" Taric called. Sure enough, Jhin and Yasuo were walking down an empty street together, with the former wearing the utterly disgusting Heartseeker attire of Varus. A convulsing Zed could be seen in front of them.

"Hold, fiends!" Azir crowed. Azir silently summoned some soldiers to take posts on the other ends of the street to trap his targets. The emperor saw Yasuo's shoulders slump before the two Ionians turned, ready to face their new adversaries.

"The heavens see all you have done," Taric said, twirling his mace.

Yasuo sighed. "Oh, great, I bet these guys are here to put us in a stretcher for screwing with their day."

"I believe combat is the only option here, Yasuo," Jhin said, gesturing to the Azir's Sand Soldiers. So they had been noticed after all.

Azir stepped forward and brandished his scepter, giving rise to a platoon of Sand Soldiers. "You have ruined a day of love, happiness, and giving chocolate by mentally scarring countless with the image of a grinding Rammus, exerting your power to thoroughly humiliate many innocent champions, and traumatizing Luxanna Crownguard! You fools shall pay for your crimes!"

Azir commanded the squadron to advance, and the two Ionians began backing up and drawing their weapons. "Jhin," Yasuo said. "Give me cover fire while I take out these things!"

"Why would I do that?"

Azir's eyes bugged out and he facepalmed while Yasuo spun around and began arguing with the serial killer. _My word, that man is retarded._

"Augh, fine! Just make sure those two don't try anything while I take these things out!" Yasuo drew his sword and charged his platoon.

"Put him down!" Azir cried. They can't hold out forever, but it will buy us time. The emperor focused on Jhin, who was unloading his entire repertoire of death-dealing weaponry en masse, with the aspect and bird being protected solely by Taric's shields.

He's the one with the magic. _Take him down, and it's over. But how... Wait_. Azir remembered an occasion at a restaurant where he had seen Jhin try and make his cutlery at perfect angles to each other. _It's highly unlikely..._

 _But not impossible._

Azir bit back a curse as he felt Yasuo cut down his last Sand Soldiers. His eyes narrowed into a squint. Now or never. "Change of plans!" He conjured a Sand Soldier holding an infernal pencil that refused to let the wood be of equal length around the lead. _This had better work_ , Azir thought, commanding the soldier to charge. He brought up more soldiers to advance on the samurai and pin him down for longer.

He saw Jhin confidently raise his gun before freezing upon seeing the pencil. _Checkmate._

Another soldier raised, holding a picture. Azir willed it to hang the picture at an angle, and directed Jhin's vision to it. The Ionian began to shake. _Perfect._

Another rose up, holding a broken pair of earbuds that Azir had owned for months. Another had a hoodie of Sivir's that had a string longer than the other. A bag of green candy that inexplicably had a pink one in it. A pizza cut into squares.

The assortment of OCD-triggering sights sent Jhin over the edge. The poor fool frothed at the mouth and collapsed, out of commission.

"Jhin?! **JHIN!** " Azir heard the enraged samurai's roar as he began cutting down his soldiers en masse.

 _Again? Well, it can't be helped._ **"SPLIT!"** Azir yelled, commanding his soldiers to get out of the way, leaving only Taric to stand in Yasuo's way.

"Hold him off, Taric, I only need to minute to take him down!" Azir quickly raised up his piano-playing Soldier while Taric did battle with the samurai.

Taric seemed to get the hint that whatever he was about to do would be dangerous, and began to cast his Cosmic Radiance. "Well, my friend, I hate to do this, but it seems that this is where we part ways."

The wanderer grinned cockily and readied his sword. "What do you mean? That thing won't last forever."

A pitying smile was on the Shield of Valoran's face. "This isn't to protect me from you. It's to protect me from him." _Indeed it is, Taric._

Azir saw Yasuo blink as he turned to see Azir, a look of sheer disgust gracing his avian features. The piano was now playing perfectly, echoing across the street

Yasuo dropped his blade and began to shake. "N-No way... That emperor that Jhin was talking about... was...?"

Azir raised a hand to the sky. _Interesting. So they've heard of it?_ "Oh, so you know of this technique. As for whatever that miscreant friend of yours said, allow me to confirm.

 **"I created this technique."**

Azir brought his hand down. Yasuo's body seized up as he collapsed, and the loop of his most humiliating incident began.

* * *

Yasuo needed to pee.

Unfortunately, the Fields of Justice didn't have a bathroom. Anywhere.

The wanderer gritted his teeth. As a vagabond who had spent years of his life on the run, taking a leak in a bush was nothing. Running the risk of being seen while taking said leak, was, however, something.

He made a passing glance over at the river. It was wreathed in shadows, and the odd bush littered the fringes of the stream. He could just hop in, take a quick piss, and get out without anyone noticing anything.

He looked over at his opponent in the top lane, Darius, who was busy attacking his minions to get some creeps. There was no way he could notice.

The Ionian took a ward in his hand, so as to make it look like he was just warding it, and ran into the bush. After hurriedly removing his pants, he let out a contented sigh as he relieved himself. After finishing, he got ready to hoist his pants around his waist.

Before Darius grabbed him with the hook of his axe.

"I could use an advantage like this," Darius said, smirking, as he raised his axe once again to strike.

Until he looked down, and noticed that Yasuo was missing an important piece of clothing. Darius froze. "I... I..."

Yasuo looked down in shame. "Just... needed to pee..."

A look of understanding dawned on Darius's face. "O-Oh, y-yeah, sure."

"Worry not, Yasuo, I'm on my way!" The wanderer became coated in the purple glow of Shen's ultimate, as expressions of panic came over the top laners' faces.

"Sh-Shen! Call it off, man, call it o-"

A brilliant flash of light, and Shen was there, standing between the two mortified fighters. "What's going on? Why would I need to – oh gods..." Shen turned around, and a look of disgust creased what could be seen of his face as he cringed. The Eye of Twilight spun around and clapped a hand on Darius's shoulder. "Nobody, not even a Noxian cur like you, deserves to get flashed by another man."

Yasuo paled. "N-No, it's not like that!"

Darius raised his hands in a pacifying gesture. "Guy just had to pee, you know how this damn place is!"

After a pause, Shen groaned and rubbed his temples. "Oh... Well, uh, I've just gotta... Get my red bu-"

"Easy prey!" Rengar roared, leaping out of stealth to assist Darius from Shen's misguided gank. The three men spun around it terror.

"A fine addition to my collect-" the Pridestalker began, before his good eye widened in shock upon seeing a pantless Yasuo. "What the actual fu – **SHIT.** " Rengar clipped the Scuttlecrab as he began to descend, making him haphazardly land face-first.

Right into Yasuo's crotch.

For about ten seconds, no man made a sound, with Rengar slowly peeling himself off of Yasuo's body. The other combatants, curious at the fiasco in the top lane, gaped as they saw something that only graced the pages of a hormone-addled attempt of drawing an Ionian yaoi manga.

At once, everyone on Summoner's Rift fell to their knees and let out ear-piercing shrieks that echoed out over the battlefield.

Yasuo's **"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"** however, was by and far the loudest.

* * *

Azir fell to his knees, exhausted. Taric laid a hand on his shoulder.

"We've done well, my friend. I'll get these hooligans to the hospital. Go get some rest." With that, Taric was off, dragging the three criminals to Shen's.

A sand Soldier drew up a chair, which the emperor stumbled over to. _Good gods, an emperor shouldn't be doing things like this._

"So you're the one that stopped them. Interesting."

Azir blinked a few times, trying to discern the source of the voice. A massive blue bird flew from the skies and landed before him.

"Anivia? What brings you here?"

"The whole fiasco of those two fools caught my interest. I thought I'd stop to see just who managed to stop them."

"Oh... Oh, where are my manners? Someone as grand as you has no place sitting on the ground." Azir waved a hand, and a soldier brought a large bird-perch for the Cryophoenix.

"My, my, Azir, you are quite the gentleman."

Azir chuckled. "Well, I _am_ an emperor after all." Anivia laughed.

As the two birds continued talking, Azir felt a sense of happiness and nostalgia well up inside him, one from his human days, of when he would be chatting up a fair maiden with words as smooth as honey.

Azir smiled inwardly as he laughed at some odd tale of a date between Tryndamere and Ashe. The giddy joy he felt when talking to a woman, and hearing her clear, ringing laugh, just made him feel right. Whole.

Human.

 _Well, so this is why Sivir is so intent on finding a man._

* * *

That's right, I'm all for Azivia.

Quick note, if you read one of my other fics, The Misadventures of Jhin and Yasuo, you've probably noticed how a few pieces from the latest chapter of that are straight-up ripped from there. I mainly did that so people wouldn't have to go through 5000 words of that chapter to see Yasuo's memory-loop. Aside from simple laziness on my part, I'd personally find that kinda annoying if I had to do that. That, and some people might read this fic but not that one, and would just be sitting there wondering what the hell our favorite angsty samurai was reliving.

Well, anyway, thank you all again for reading, and I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. Feel free to leave a review with your thoughts, and I'll see you guys later. Bye.


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